pillar of salt.

As I look at my future I see no light at the end of the tunnel. There are a lot of things up in the air and some days are filled with thoughts ranging from uncertainty and doubt to fear and insecurity. On those days the uncertainty surrounding my future makes it easy to look longingly on the past.

I miss the life I had during my undergraduate studies.

It was simple:

Friends

Breakdancing

Girls

Movies/TV Shows

School

Church

You're probably wondering how breakdancing beat out girls... That's a whole different topic.

My priorities were obviously a bit skewed. But I can only seem to remember the good times. That's usually how it works when you look back. The bad times turn into funny stories and the good times seem even better. I was not focused on what I should have been.

A change was necessary and it happened---I moved away.

But now I sometimes look back.

"But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt."

(Genesis 19:26)

I thought of this story as I thought of how I sometimes wish for my old life back.

Lot was told to get his family out of Sodom before the Lord destroyed it and he was commanded to, "look not behind thee." (Genesis 19:17)

His wife looked. She was crystallized--instantly.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland says that the problem was not that she just looked back at Sodom-- "in her heart she wanted to go back."

Crap. I don't know about you but sometimes I want to go back.

So how do you keep your eyes focused on the future--especially when the future is filled with question marks?

No, but seriously-- if you have an answer at this point in time it would be great if you would just comment right now and help me out.

The best thing I can come up with is this-- my moments of weakness where I look back longingly are sparked by the catalysts of doubt and fear. As far as I can tell the only way to overcome these two problems is to replace them with FAITH.

Elder Holland said that, "Faith is for the future. Faith builds on the past but never longs to stay there. Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the 'high priest of good things to come.' " (Hebrews 9:11)

Ugh. Knowing what you need to do doesn't make it easier.

I'm confident the Lord isn't going to turn me into salt---but you know that might actually be better than the consequences I'll face if I don't learn to stop looking back.